Love is not Rude

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Love; “It is not rude,” 1 Corinthians 13:5 says.

What an important revelation this is.  It would seem a little unnecessary to state on paper, but upon watching and listening to the state of married couples everywhere, it has been determined that instruction is very needed.

Marriage includes many ups and downs, and amidst these highs and lows, couples are still interacting with each other.  During these times, men and women will continue to communicate, and must be careful to watch and measure each word, especially during the lows.

Rude is a default setting for many.  When covenant has been broken or strained,  it can be challenging to restrain the old man, and respond with the new man.  Our relationship is defined by love, which is compassionate, and considerate, selfless, and refreshing, not rude and or destructive.  

Why then is rude an options?  Because covenant requires trust, and trust requires one to have a level vulnerability with the covenant member.  It is this vulnerability that makes the pain felt and the frustration experienced more intense, and stirs passion and damages and destroys hope, which extinguishes faith.

This abrupt shift can cause one to swing from the left to the right; leaving one pendulous between love and its opposite pole hate.  Swinging between these emotions can cause one to guard their tongues in the morning and loose it at night.  God warns us about the power of the tongue, and instructs us about the purpose of our words.  A broken heart, left without a filter, can relive and release emotions from the past enough to cause one to bypass forgiveness and place all their chips on vengeance.

Worse, many continue forward in covenant, with the wrong guard over their heart.  As opposed to guarding ones heart against offense, one can because to guard against hurt and pain.  One hurt in the past can place barriers in place to keep them from being vulnerable again.  This prevents not only forgiveness and healing, but wont allow for love to exist and to thrive.  One can not rest and find peace in trust, if their heart is protected by being removed from the equation.

We must understand that a heart removed for the equation is broken covenant.  In addition, a tongue and actions seasoned with the spice of rude, will lead to further offenses.  One can not maintain covenant and can not heal hurts where there is either an abundance, or regular actions.

 

#PastorJDO3  #DrQDO  #TQAYMYM

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Love is not Proud!

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This is from a blog I write with my wife.

“…It is not proud…” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Man, this was a tough one to read. Much like love being not a “boastful”, God reminds us through Paul that Love is not proud. Proud is defined as “feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.”

While I looked at boastful as outward displays and actions, I thought we would look at proud as more internal. It is similar to boastful in that it often is directed towards an audience, and is reflective of what one has in their hearts. But it also be the cause or the effect. It is a cause in that self pride can cause one to boast, and the effect because boasting can create pride.

Pride can also be dangerous, in that it can halt growth. Pride can cause one to be neglectful. Pride can cause one to be comfortable. When we admire our relationships to the point of pride, we can find ourselves believing that it if flame retardant or at least stain resistant.friendring

In pride, our marriages can also lead to idolatry! Yes, your marriage can be an idol. You can worship, cherish, and value your relationship with your spouse to such a way, that it stands before your relationship with God. We can experience distance from God, and find ourselves consumed and challenged in intimacy with God.

In 21 years of marriage, 25 years of friendship, we have found that the strength of our bond, and the pleasure and satisfaction found within it requires full time attention. And shamefully, we can also attest that there are periods where it has received part time attention and at other times is neglected all together.  We have also had to fight to maintain a balance between honoring our covenant, and worshiping our love for each other. We fight to maintain this balance, because its our love and commitment to God that allows us to experience 25 years of friendship and 21 years of marriage. Without God first, the stage for a broken relationship would be set.

But God, in His power, through His Word, and by
His Grace has sustained and directed us such that
we have been able to maintain purpose and perspective,
understanding that its not our love for one another
that seals our bond, but the love received from
Christ that allows us to look past faults,
and appreciate the full measure of who we both are.

It is His sacrifice and example that we seek to mirror, and in our flesh, our individual foolish actions that should destroy what God has joined together, yet we remain. We remain because God’s sacrifice is the model by which we are guided, and His interaction and treatment of us as His individual children that allow us to find comfort in that which is an earthly representation of His spiritual provision.

Knowing this makes us much like Paul; boasting in our weakness, and knowing that we about in grace. Because of this, we have very little room to boast. We cannot boast because with God most of marriages would have end years ago. It is through our faith that we have learned forgiveness and grace and practice it in our marriages.

#TQAYMYM  #PastorJDO3  #DrQDO

It is not Self-Seeking

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This is from a blog my wife and I write together.

“…it is not self-seeking.” 1 Corinthians 13:5

Self-Seeking is defined as “having concern for one’s own welfare and interests before those of others; self-serving.” 

Our love is to model Christ, and what characteristic to adopt more than being selfless.  God’s love for us is infinite, and was displayed to us by death on a cross.  He stepped down from heaven and walked the earth with us, as it was in the beginning with Adam.

God created a man that He could display love too, and aide in experiencing creation and the creator.  In this, He did not hold back, giving man the freedom of choice, and a mind that could process, create, communicate, serve and most of all love.  He gave this, knowing that man could and would be selfish with the allotment of power and freedom.  In any love relationship, vulnerability is created because there is the potential for pain and disappointment.friendring

This is why this instruction to be selfless is a large pill to swallow.  When one enters a covenant and chooses not to have concern for their “…own welfare and interest…”, one makes themselves even more vulnerable.   This, because our instructions are to always place the needs of those we love in front of our own.

So what is your place in the relationship?  Sadly, because most of us would say first, we find the national divorce rate at 50%.  This is not new!  In the beginning, the adversary pressed Adam and Eve to make a choice: God First?  You First?  They chose to put themselves first, forever changing they relationship dynamic.

This continues today.  Couples continue making decisions as though they were individuals; choosing to please themselves, rather than to consider their partner.  Like God, we must face the partaking of the forbidden fruit from one another.  Even in this pain, God demonstrates to us the power of love by entering into a quest to build up our relationship with Him.  He makes the sacrifice to restore the relationship, giving opportunities for repentance and pouring grace and mercy where their should be judgement and punishment.  And because He made this type of sacrifice, so should we.

To keep our marriages healthy and whole, we must model God.   If we approach our relationships in an abusive manner (abusive; using the other person), then our marriages will suffer the strain of selfish behavior.  Our minds must place our individual will aside, and consider the will of God and the desire of our spouse.  Though this could lend one to abuse, if both individuals would seek to serve one another, we could experience balanced unions that reflect the divines love in and for us.

 

 

#PastorJDO3  #DrQDO  #TQAYMYM

Love is not Rude!

Standard

This is from a blog I write with my wife…

Love; “It is not rude,” 1 Corinthians 13:5 says.

What an important revelation this is. It would seem a little unnecessary to state on paper, but upon watching and listening to the state of married couples everywhere, it has been determined that instruction is very needed.

Marriage includes many ups and downs, and amidst these highs and lows, couples are still interacting with each other. During these times, men and women will continue to communicate, and must be careful to watch and measure each word, especially during the lows.

Rude is a default setting for many.  When covenant has been broken or strained, it can be challenging to restrain the old man, and respond with the new man. Our relationship is defined by love, which is compassionate, and considerate, selfless, and refreshing, not rude and or destructive.friendring

Why then is rude an options? Because covenant requires trust, and trust requires one to have a level vulnerability with the covenant member.  It is this vulnerability that makes the pain felt and the frustration experienced more intense, and stirs passion and damages and destroys hope, which extinguishes faith.

This abrupt shift can cause one to swing from the left to the right; leaving one pendulous between love and its opposite pole hate.  Swinging between these emotions can cause one to guard their tongues in the morning and loose it at night. God warns us about the power of the tongue, and instructs us about the purpose of our words.  A broken heart, left without a filter, can relive and release emotions from the past enough to cause one to bypass forgiveness and place all their chips on vengeance.

Worse, many continue forward in covenant, with the wrong guard over their heart.  As opposed to guarding ones heart against offense, one can because to guard against hurt and pain.  One hurt in the past can place barriers in place to keep them from being vulnerable again.  This prevents not only forgiveness and healing, but wont allow for love to exist and to thrive.  One can not rest and find peace in trust, if their heart is protected by being removed from the equation.

We must understand that a heart removed for the equation is broken covenant.  In addition, a tongue and actions seasoned with the spice of rude, will lead to further offenses.  One can not maintain covenant and can not heal hurts where there is either an abundance, or regular actions.

#PastorJDO3  #DrQDO  #TQAYMYM

Love is NOT Proud

Standard

This is taken from a blog my wife and I share together.

“…It is not proud…” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Man, this was a tough one to read. Much like love being not a “boastful”, God reminds us through Paul that Love is not proud. Proud is defined as “feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.”

While I looked at boastful as outward displays and actions, I thought we would look at proud as more internal. It is similar to boastful in that it often is directed towards an audience, and is reflective of what one has in their hearts. But it also be the cause or the effect. It is a cause in that self pride can cause one to boast, and the effect because boasting can create pride.

Pride can also be dangerous, in that it can halt growth. Pride can cause one to be neglectful. Pride can cause one to be comfortable. When we admire our relationships to the point of pride, we can find ourselves believing that it if flame retardant or at least stain resistant.friendring

In pride, our marriages can also lead to idolatry! Yes, your marriage can be an idol. You can worship, cherish, and value your relationship with your spouse to such a way, that it stands before your relationship with God. We can experience distance from God, and find ourselves consumed and challenged in intimacy with God.

In 21 years of marriage, 25 years of friendship, we have found that the strength of our bond, and the pleasure and satisfaction found within it requires full time attention. And shamefully, we can also attest that there are periods where it has received part time attention and at other times is neglected all together.  We have also had to fight to maintain a balance between honoring our covenant, and worshiping our love for each other. We fight to maintain this balance, because its our love and commitment to God that allows us to experience 25 years of friendship and 21 years of marriage. Without God first, the stage for a broken relationship would be set.

 

But God, in His power, through His Word, and by
His Grace has sustained and directed us such that
we have been able to maintain purpose and perspective,
understanding that its not our love for one another
that seals our bond, but the love received from
Christ that allows us to look past faults,
and appreciate the full measure of who we both are.

 

It is His sacrifice and example that we seek to mirror, and in our flesh, our individual foolish actions that should destroy what God has joined together, yet we remain. We remain because God’s sacrifice is the model by which we are guided, and His interaction and treatment of us as His individual children that allow us to find comfort in that which is an earthly representation of His spiritual provision.

Knowing this makes us much like Paul; boasting in our weakness, and knowing that we about in grace. Because of this, we have very little room to boast. We cannot boast because with God most of marriages would have end years ago. It is through our faith that we have learned forgiveness and grace and practice it in our marriages.

#TQAYMYM #PastorJDO3 #DrQDO

Love does not Brag

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“…Love does not Brag…” 1 Corinthians 13:4 continues its description of Love by this statement.

For some this is easy, and for others this becomes a challenge (warning, a short social media rant). Under normal circumstances, it would seem acceptable for each to appreciate their own mate, and revel in the love they have found; but these are not normal circumstances. friendring

As God’s gives us days, our social media timelines continue. The number of those listed as single, greatly outnumber those that are married, and their number is only rivaled by the number of people whose relationship are complicated. When a couple spends time and creates moments with each other for a viewing public, they are unhealthy and in danger of a breach.

The number of those getting married seems to be dwindling, and those with strong unions are fading. Even the number of available people for marriage are less, making marriage seem more like an exclusive circle than an assumed birth right. Its logical that a sense of pride would emerge under these circumstances.

We live in a culture that promotes, self promotion, and encourages others hold before the viewing public what is coveted. Thus not to brag seems antithetical and anticlimactic. Love is not to be boastful! It’s purpose is to be a blessing to the two those in covenant, not to create envy with those who have yet to enter into agreement.

It has been found that most found bragging are either redirecting the eyes of others from insecurities or covering unsightly warts. Bragging, in general, includes inflated numbers and descriptions of what exist, and often ends in competitions hedged on lies and exaggerations. Other times, people brag to draw attention and acclaim from those watching to boost their ego and bring about a sense of accomplishment.

These are unhealthy things for a relationship. Both parties must appreciate what exist and seek to please those under covenant, not those watching from the sidelines. God wants our love for each other to inspire others, not make others jealous or covet what we have. Our love should serve as an example of what is possible with sacrifice, and should mirror the example shown to us from God.

#PastorJDO3 #DrQDO

Love is not Jealous

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“Love…is not jealous…” 1 Corinthians 13:4 announces.

Both parties must find security in covenant, and strength in their bond. When reading this, it can seem a little unreasonable. As we discussed jealousy being a response, we whittled down jealousy to insecurity.

When in a relationship, both parties have a covenant relationship and community relationships. And while these worlds can be supportive of each other, they can also serve as a wedge or a source of contention inside of a covenant relationship. Even without a breach in covenant, one can find themselves bothered or threatened by the interaction or actions of their mate.victory-clipart-1.jpg

The old adage, “Jealousy rears its ugly head!” becomes accurate to many relationships during time of marital lows (broken or weakened fellowship), or through personal lows (insecurities and failures). It is during these moments, Jealousy creates smoke, which then leads to a fire (This smoke is not from an actual fire, but the smoke gives the illusion of a fire, and the response to the illusion leads to fires in marriage which can be challenging to control and to put out).

Harmless interactions between to innocent parties can be deemed as harmful the covenant member struggling personally or that remains injured from a prior breach in covenant. This insecurity can cause one to over analyses actions and responses, causing them to become bothered, and harmful in their response to what the perceive to be true.

Jealous can also be envious. What we have found most today (as we speak with other couples) that its challenging to have true appreciation for your own unique love when The Jones’s are on every Social Media Outlets!!!! (Yes, here comes a short social media rant!) Their pictures always seem perfect. Their outfits are coordinated. Their vacations are the best! They wine and dine at the finest places. They stay in resorts and hotels with the latest amenities and accommodations. And because they know you are looking, the take the time to document each item, giving full descriptions to make sure you are bitter and envious. The present to the world their love, and then file for divorce!

Couple after couple have been ruined by jealousy via social media. Scrolling through the timeline of another couple, and even of those that are single, and becoming more envious with each swipe. Jealousy can make us covet. Covenant members wishing they could switch places with another persons mate. Foolishly believing that life would be so much better if they had chosen or were paired differently. Covetousness can be the accelerate to a smoldering fire that burns down the entire estate.

God says, “Love….is not jealous..” Mind you, this comes from a God who defines Himself as Jealous!  His love for us is pure, and is balanced by other qualities, and not solely defined or controlled by His desire to be love by us exclusively. We too have the same right within our covenant to expect and demand that our love be exclusive, but must fight the tendency to allow our expectations to cause us to be sinful in our response and actions.

#PastorJDO3 #DrQDO